The Terrifying Truth about the “Pillars of Creation”

NASA recently celebrated the 25th anniversary of the Hubble Space Telescope by releasing a new, higher resolution look at the iconic “Pillars of Creation” located in the Eagle Nebula, 6,500 light years from Earth.

The updated photo of the "Pillars of Creation", Hubble Telescope, 2014

The updated photo of the “Pillars of Creation”, Hubble Space Telescope, 2015

It’s a testament to humanity that we can see this far into our skies. How tiny a spec of insignificance we all are on this miniscule floating blue ball of existence.

BUT WAIT!

These “pillars” are also super scary and possessed or something else totally scary!

The scientists at Mostly Water Theatre took a closer look and found some stuff that will chill your spine right to the bone!

EXHIBIT A: Dead Mouse

PillarsMouse

Upon closer examination of the middle column, we see some kind of terrifying dead mouse or one of those yep-yep-yep-uhuh aliens from Sesame Street. Ominous to be sure. But what could it mean?!

Dead mouse? Poop with eyes? What is it?!

Dead mouse? Poop with eyes? What is it?!

EXHIBIT B: Spooky Face Guy

PillarsSoul

Near the top of the leftmost pillar, a giant haunted soul with glowing eyes appears to beg for questions. Am I using that right?

Ah! He's staring right into me!

Ah! He’s staring right into you!

EXHIBIT C: Beelzebubula

PillarsDevil

On the rightmost pillar is clearly the devil. Look at him!

The Devil himself. Verified.

The Devil himself. Verified.

He’s got glowing fire-breath or something!

And it sort of looks like he’s pointing. Maybe in the direction of Earth! Maybe even towards YOUR house!

EXHIBIT D: And What’s This?!

PillarsWTF

We don’t even want to hazard a guess at what this might be. But it looks like trouble!

Is it wearing glasses? That's not good if it is!

Is it a guy with a goatee wearing glasses? Bad sign if it is!

CONCLUSION

No matter what these turn out to be, it seems like we’re screwed.

NASA refused to comment about this, but it’s obvious that there is a major cover-up for something probably pretty perverted and gross.

We’ll call NASA again in the morning, but they seemed really mad at our last phone call.

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